I made similar choices as you, and am extremely happy with my life. I can’t imagine why I’d want to live in an apartment in Tribeca that I would barely see because of the long hours I would have worked, over living in a suburb with the free time to spend with my family. Doesn’t matter how beautiful your wife is, if you barely see them because you’re both working long hours. And does anyone think that kids raised by two nannies in Tribeca are happier than those in a suburb with a stay at home mom and a remote working dad?
By all means, for the people that want the Tribeca life, they can go for it, but I really can’t relate to them.
Totally agree. I used to have a really demanding job, and we never saw each other. Our relationship really suffered. It may sound corny, but quality time with family and loved ones is the ultimate luxury.
As the SAHM with the WFH husband, we are ridiculously happy. We just had our third child and thighs are a little busy around here. My husband is so helpful and we definitely have the funds to hire some help. But my husband objected, saying there is nothing the helper can take off his hands. I begged him. Let someone else do school runs. Let someone else do the grocery shopping, because he is busy enough being a helpful husband (and keeping his weird schedule of working past midnight). He said no, he will never give up grocery runs with the kids. So there will be nothing for this person to do!
That’s a man who is very happy with his life, even if he is exhausted.
You hit a lot of points that would line up with what we see ("we" being guys like me who have gad plenty of experiences of his own, but another has the data from many, many other men).
One of the biggest errors I see with females giving dating advice (which you touch on briefly) is that due to a woman's solipsistic nature it is difficult for them to do several things (but all stemming from the inability to take themselves out of the equation):
A) they do the "being me worked for me, so it should work for you"
B) they have no idea what men want. They think what they find attractive should apply to men, which is why you get the boss babe that can't understand why men aren't stabbing one another to be with her.
C) Looks get you in the door, but doesn't keep you there. It is like killing the interview but sucking at your job and when you get fired doubling down on your interview skills (also why a not surprising amount of female dating coaches are single).
From what I've seen online, women give terrible dating advice. They don't have the slightest clue or any relationship skills. If I were a young woman today, I would ask your father or brother before turning to a woman's dating coach.
As for the whole "mid" thing. Guys with any significant amount of experience with women quickly devalue overall beauty into the attraction equation. It still matters, but isn't weighed nearly as heavily as it was before you gained experience.
The Nandini article said more about her than it did anyone else. She shamed some celebrity for chasing a line cook, and pretty much any man chasing someone who didn’t have a high status job. It’s a reflection of her own values, which, given they are so money/status oriented, are quite superficial, and frankly, mediocre
You're ten times the writer Nandini ever could be and you're right on every count. I laughed my way through this piece; this is rare on Substack, and probably an indication of your brilliance. At the risk of sounding like a weird simp, I'll just say that I'm married, of course, to a mid woman myself. Most of the time, it's great—warmth, loyalty, and sweetness are key.
Now all you need to do is think of a witty name and a "thing" you write about. Keep it ironic, or post-ironic, or post-post-ironic—or whatever. I don't know, use your creativity (you seem to have it in oodles).
Haha you wrote exactly what I thought when I read that article. I am most definitely mid.
But honestly I think what the author defines as mid actually has nothing to do with objective physical attractiveness, but is about whether the women are fashionable and cool to other women or not. I know women who are extremely naturally gorgeous, but would probably be defined as “mid” by that writer because they are on the quiet side and wear plain clothes from Target. This may not be “cool,” but most men don’t care about that.
There’s nothing wrong with being a cool girl (I am jealous of course!), but aesthetics aren’t what ultimately matter when it comes to a lasting relationship.
“People often want you to make the same choices that they did so they can feel better about themselves”- these lines 🙌
Married to the same man I’ve loved since I was 21. We have a beautiful daughter, own a house. Life is simple and sweet, sometimes boring but rich and magical and meaningful. And stable and “safe”. 💗 I do not look with any wistfulness at the women my age without husbands or children… maybe it works for them. It wouldn’t for me. The elongated adolescence and egocentric journey to find ourselves and relish in “freedom” is overrated and out dated. I don’t think anyone has gained much from that process 🤷♀️
Of all the characteristics Nandini attributes to her girlfriends, NONE of them, NOT ONE is something I would look for in a life partner! Had to laugh when she called her friends "Well Qualified" - and I asked well qualified for what - exactly, a car loan?
It is easy to find someone who wants many thousands of dollars per month for hair, makeup, clothes and nails, harder is the goal of finding some who is kind, thoughtful, honest and has self-respect.
Why is it that so many are obsessed with a big wedding but give almost no thought to what happens next? When did being a good person get eclipsed with botox and plastic boobs?
Nothing wrong with making lots of money - if that is your goal, just don't think that your ability to spend vast sums of what others make bestows the title of being a High-Value woman. Because for many men that is the truest sign of someone who is a Gold Digger - and - no man wants to be thought of as just someone with a hard dick & an open and neverempty wallet.
Left unmentioned is that men who do not out-earn their wives are at greater risk of getting divorced. That is a statistical reality that high-earning intelligent men undoubtedly recognize. Why would a man want a high earning wife who will dump him and steal his children away (if she even gave him any in the first place)?
Pride is unattractive in women. What Nandini and her friends don't understand is that a little humility goes a long way.
No sensible man wants to commit to a woman who thinks she is above everyone else, but in her piece Nandini is saying exactly that about herself and her friends.
Being married to such a woman is a miserable existence.
I've had a hard time figuring out what I want in dating.
I worked hard in my 20's and never seriously dated. Now I'm at a point in my life where I am financially secure and seriously looking for a woman as I approach 30. It is bewildering to me though for what I am actually looking for. I set a high bar initially, but have gradually relaxed it so I didn't become so black-pilled and bitter.
I talk to women that seem to be airheads or have no real ambitions in life; I suppose that is what most people in their 20's feel, but it is wild in my struggle to find someone that has some anima. I think most people don't know what they want in the relationship from the beginning, so I give people a pass on this, but I can't bring myself to be attracted to them.
As far as appearances, I'm really just wanting someone to take their health seriously for that. Someone out of shape seem to have a similar struggle personally that hurts them spiritually as much as is reflected in them physically. It may come off harsh, but the most insecure and aimless women I talk to are those out of shape. The mid is fine, they can really elevate themselves by having a vibrant soul that makes me see past that.
As someone getting into this game late, who did a lot of my own personal growth and development, I feel like I am surrounded by children when I talk to people my age or younger. Your 3rd point hit home lol.
Girl boss types are unattractive because they present a bind for most men. If you let her exceed your achievements she will look down on you. If you exceed her achievements she will resent you and possibly even blame you for holding her back in some way. Who needs that?
As a man who is not a high earner and is maybe only slightly more handsome than the mean, not settling down early gained me the following advantages:
1. experience with multiple women leading to much greater skills and understanding of them, excellent ability to spot red flags, ultimately leading to getting a fairly good wife for my station
2. easing of some of the sexual FOMO that is a much greater burden on men than it is on women because of testosterone and the coolidge effect
3. general life experience from being able to take risks and do crazy shit due to no wife and kids, leading to more stories, more interesting personality, more mental toughness
I don't see how a woman could get nearly as much value as a man from "staying single to find yourself".
On point 1, you already have maximum power over men early on. Understanding men doesn't require iterations of interactions, we don't communicate in mysterious ways or have a complex relationship with our desires, the only reason women don't understand men is because they don't want to.
On point 2, like I said, no matter what signals you get from your environment that tell you how exciting it is to fuck multiple partners, the desire is not even 1% as innate to the psychology of a woman as it is of a man. The FOMO is much easier to overcome and the cost of chasing the FOMO and becoming ran through is much higher.
On point 3, I suppose a woman could travel the world and try all different kinds of jobs and try drugs and get into bar fights, but the risk in these things is absurdly high. Lets be honest, women either tell themselves theyre going to live a thrilling life only to do the disney version, or in a minority of cases they back pack to some third world shit hole only to get raped and decapitated.
Conclusion: "don't settle down until you've had some fun" is wisdom meant for men that women are cargo culting
If I can have lots of hot women throw themselves at me why would I waste my time watching an artificial TV show about some other guy?
If I can’t, what do I gain / learn from watching said show except resentment and the idea that girls who are out of reach for me are cheap & easy for the right guy?
Interesting article. Something to consider; life comes easier to beautiful women, a normal average women (a MId) has to work at life to be successful and that tends to give them a personality. If a woman has a big personality and is fun to be around her looks will not be that big of a consideration to the men who would want to be around her. Fun is hot.
I made similar choices as you, and am extremely happy with my life. I can’t imagine why I’d want to live in an apartment in Tribeca that I would barely see because of the long hours I would have worked, over living in a suburb with the free time to spend with my family. Doesn’t matter how beautiful your wife is, if you barely see them because you’re both working long hours. And does anyone think that kids raised by two nannies in Tribeca are happier than those in a suburb with a stay at home mom and a remote working dad?
By all means, for the people that want the Tribeca life, they can go for it, but I really can’t relate to them.
Totally agree. I used to have a really demanding job, and we never saw each other. Our relationship really suffered. It may sound corny, but quality time with family and loved ones is the ultimate luxury.
As the SAHM with the WFH husband, we are ridiculously happy. We just had our third child and thighs are a little busy around here. My husband is so helpful and we definitely have the funds to hire some help. But my husband objected, saying there is nothing the helper can take off his hands. I begged him. Let someone else do school runs. Let someone else do the grocery shopping, because he is busy enough being a helpful husband (and keeping his weird schedule of working past midnight). He said no, he will never give up grocery runs with the kids. So there will be nothing for this person to do!
That’s a man who is very happy with his life, even if he is exhausted.
I get that. My son loves going to the grocery store or the farmers market. He sometimes cheers when we tell him we’re going.
100000% with you
"We just had our third child and thighs are a little busy around here" oh, rim shot!
You hit a lot of points that would line up with what we see ("we" being guys like me who have gad plenty of experiences of his own, but another has the data from many, many other men).
One of the biggest errors I see with females giving dating advice (which you touch on briefly) is that due to a woman's solipsistic nature it is difficult for them to do several things (but all stemming from the inability to take themselves out of the equation):
A) they do the "being me worked for me, so it should work for you"
B) they have no idea what men want. They think what they find attractive should apply to men, which is why you get the boss babe that can't understand why men aren't stabbing one another to be with her.
C) Looks get you in the door, but doesn't keep you there. It is like killing the interview but sucking at your job and when you get fired doubling down on your interview skills (also why a not surprising amount of female dating coaches are single).
From what I've seen online, women give terrible dating advice. They don't have the slightest clue or any relationship skills. If I were a young woman today, I would ask your father or brother before turning to a woman's dating coach.
As for the whole "mid" thing. Guys with any significant amount of experience with women quickly devalue overall beauty into the attraction equation. It still matters, but isn't weighed nearly as heavily as it was before you gained experience.
Good read.
Cheers,
Stripper
Thanks! I really appreciate the honest male perspective. I agree, most dating advice for women does seem to come from the perpetually single.
All things I was thinking when reading
The Nandini article said more about her than it did anyone else. She shamed some celebrity for chasing a line cook, and pretty much any man chasing someone who didn’t have a high status job. It’s a reflection of her own values, which, given they are so money/status oriented, are quite superficial, and frankly, mediocre
You're ten times the writer Nandini ever could be and you're right on every count. I laughed my way through this piece; this is rare on Substack, and probably an indication of your brilliance. At the risk of sounding like a weird simp, I'll just say that I'm married, of course, to a mid woman myself. Most of the time, it's great—warmth, loyalty, and sweetness are key.
Now all you need to do is think of a witty name and a "thing" you write about. Keep it ironic, or post-ironic, or post-post-ironic—or whatever. I don't know, use your creativity (you seem to have it in oodles).
Cheerio!
Thank you! I’m still figuring out what I’m trying to do here on substack, but I really appreciate the words of encouragement.
Haha you wrote exactly what I thought when I read that article. I am most definitely mid.
But honestly I think what the author defines as mid actually has nothing to do with objective physical attractiveness, but is about whether the women are fashionable and cool to other women or not. I know women who are extremely naturally gorgeous, but would probably be defined as “mid” by that writer because they are on the quiet side and wear plain clothes from Target. This may not be “cool,” but most men don’t care about that.
There’s nothing wrong with being a cool girl (I am jealous of course!), but aesthetics aren’t what ultimately matter when it comes to a lasting relationship.
“People often want you to make the same choices that they did so they can feel better about themselves”- these lines 🙌
Married to the same man I’ve loved since I was 21. We have a beautiful daughter, own a house. Life is simple and sweet, sometimes boring but rich and magical and meaningful. And stable and “safe”. 💗 I do not look with any wistfulness at the women my age without husbands or children… maybe it works for them. It wouldn’t for me. The elongated adolescence and egocentric journey to find ourselves and relish in “freedom” is overrated and out dated. I don’t think anyone has gained much from that process 🤷♀️
Wow... I fully did that... my wife is all that meme...
She sounds rad :D
I showed her it tonight and she said... " That is too true... Im not offended because I am a Kind 6.
Great article. And it was funny to boot.
Cheers to the married mid 🥂 much happiness to you and your husband
Of all the characteristics Nandini attributes to her girlfriends, NONE of them, NOT ONE is something I would look for in a life partner! Had to laugh when she called her friends "Well Qualified" - and I asked well qualified for what - exactly, a car loan?
It is easy to find someone who wants many thousands of dollars per month for hair, makeup, clothes and nails, harder is the goal of finding some who is kind, thoughtful, honest and has self-respect.
Why is it that so many are obsessed with a big wedding but give almost no thought to what happens next? When did being a good person get eclipsed with botox and plastic boobs?
Nothing wrong with making lots of money - if that is your goal, just don't think that your ability to spend vast sums of what others make bestows the title of being a High-Value woman. Because for many men that is the truest sign of someone who is a Gold Digger - and - no man wants to be thought of as just someone with a hard dick & an open and neverempty wallet.
Left unmentioned is that men who do not out-earn their wives are at greater risk of getting divorced. That is a statistical reality that high-earning intelligent men undoubtedly recognize. Why would a man want a high earning wife who will dump him and steal his children away (if she even gave him any in the first place)?
Pride is unattractive in women. What Nandini and her friends don't understand is that a little humility goes a long way.
No sensible man wants to commit to a woman who thinks she is above everyone else, but in her piece Nandini is saying exactly that about herself and her friends.
Being married to such a woman is a miserable existence.
I've had a hard time figuring out what I want in dating.
I worked hard in my 20's and never seriously dated. Now I'm at a point in my life where I am financially secure and seriously looking for a woman as I approach 30. It is bewildering to me though for what I am actually looking for. I set a high bar initially, but have gradually relaxed it so I didn't become so black-pilled and bitter.
I talk to women that seem to be airheads or have no real ambitions in life; I suppose that is what most people in their 20's feel, but it is wild in my struggle to find someone that has some anima. I think most people don't know what they want in the relationship from the beginning, so I give people a pass on this, but I can't bring myself to be attracted to them.
As far as appearances, I'm really just wanting someone to take their health seriously for that. Someone out of shape seem to have a similar struggle personally that hurts them spiritually as much as is reflected in them physically. It may come off harsh, but the most insecure and aimless women I talk to are those out of shape. The mid is fine, they can really elevate themselves by having a vibrant soul that makes me see past that.
As someone getting into this game late, who did a lot of my own personal growth and development, I feel like I am surrounded by children when I talk to people my age or younger. Your 3rd point hit home lol.
Girl boss types are unattractive because they present a bind for most men. If you let her exceed your achievements she will look down on you. If you exceed her achievements she will resent you and possibly even blame you for holding her back in some way. Who needs that?
As a man who is not a high earner and is maybe only slightly more handsome than the mean, not settling down early gained me the following advantages:
1. experience with multiple women leading to much greater skills and understanding of them, excellent ability to spot red flags, ultimately leading to getting a fairly good wife for my station
2. easing of some of the sexual FOMO that is a much greater burden on men than it is on women because of testosterone and the coolidge effect
3. general life experience from being able to take risks and do crazy shit due to no wife and kids, leading to more stories, more interesting personality, more mental toughness
I don't see how a woman could get nearly as much value as a man from "staying single to find yourself".
On point 1, you already have maximum power over men early on. Understanding men doesn't require iterations of interactions, we don't communicate in mysterious ways or have a complex relationship with our desires, the only reason women don't understand men is because they don't want to.
On point 2, like I said, no matter what signals you get from your environment that tell you how exciting it is to fuck multiple partners, the desire is not even 1% as innate to the psychology of a woman as it is of a man. The FOMO is much easier to overcome and the cost of chasing the FOMO and becoming ran through is much higher.
On point 3, I suppose a woman could travel the world and try all different kinds of jobs and try drugs and get into bar fights, but the risk in these things is absurdly high. Lets be honest, women either tell themselves theyre going to live a thrilling life only to do the disney version, or in a minority of cases they back pack to some third world shit hole only to get raped and decapitated.
Conclusion: "don't settle down until you've had some fun" is wisdom meant for men that women are cargo culting
On “The Bachelor”
If I can have lots of hot women throw themselves at me why would I waste my time watching an artificial TV show about some other guy?
If I can’t, what do I gain / learn from watching said show except resentment and the idea that girls who are out of reach for me are cheap & easy for the right guy?
Interesting article. Something to consider; life comes easier to beautiful women, a normal average women (a MId) has to work at life to be successful and that tends to give them a personality. If a woman has a big personality and is fun to be around her looks will not be that big of a consideration to the men who would want to be around her. Fun is hot.